Thursday, July 5, 2007

jordanian man abused me

I started to blog because after what happen to me I searched and searched on the internet for answers here is my story,

I am an american women who is muslim I was married 10 years to a Palestinian man, this marraige ended in divorce because the Palestinian man cheated on me and I could not accept that behaivor. I left him and his country with my two children and came back to america.

When I first left I had so much anger inside me toward Arabs and Islam but because I was a muslim I prayed and asked Allah for guidance.

I stayed alone and suffered for three years and was very lonely at that time I was introduced to a man from Jordan he was younger then me but I am a very attractive women and take very good care of myself.

We met and I thought we fell in love but I would later find out different here is my story,

We met I was very suspicouse of his intentions because I know many Arab men marry for their papers but I was happy to find out that he was already married to an american women for his papers it was an agreement between the two of them.

I start to date him thinking that Allah sent me this wonderfull man for all the suffering I went through when I lived in Palestine. Being a muslim I was gratefull to meet a man who also shared my religion and my beliefs, you must remember even though I was born in the USA I was like an Arab girl I married young and took on the culture and religion.

I dated this man and yes I did have intemant relations with him and I did so because it was a heat of the moment type of thing and I figured I already had children so how pure can I be.

Also you have to remember this jordanian man was very open minded and younger then me so my belief at the time was he was americanized.

About 6 months into our relationship and by the way we got along very well he had love in his eyes for me, he was told to go back to jordan to file his paper work.

I told him I would wait for him AND I DID! We both thought he would be back in 6 months but 6 months turned into 5 years!

The whole time ALLAH is my whitness I waited for him I called him once a week often times more I went to see him on vacations ect...

During the time he was gone because I was waiting for him I worked my butt off to make a good future for us he was business minded and so am I and why he was gone I saved money and opened a retail store with his help and love and support I was able to keep looking forward.

I always felt once he came back we would both work together and build an empire but in the meantime I had to work and take care of business here.

I sent him money every now and then because when I lived in Palestine I know the life was hard and I did not want the man I loved to suffer.

His mother came to the USA and his sister and all the times they came I took care of them. Took them shopping out to dinner paid for everything, they treated me like family and when I would visit they treated me as if I was his wife.

The reason we did not marry was because he was married to the first american women for his papers so I thought at the time.

Last summer when I went to visit him he was acting a little strange he was being overly loving to me as if he was very attatched and at one point he cried to me when we had a little fight I cannot remember the whole argument but part of it was "I am not playing games I want to marry you" anyway he grabbed me really hard hugged me and cried.

This is not the Arab man culture to show weakness so I just held him tight and did not question why he was crying?

When I was visiting him I noticed the men in his family meaning his brothers and his cousins where all socializing with women that where not their wifes! I was shocked they all where hanging out at night at these restaurants with these women who where ladies of the night!
I was shocked and I questioned their behaivor he said "they love their wifes"?

I of course at the time thought my sweetheart was more educated because he had been in america not to mention I am beautifull and open minded and fun there is no way he would do that to me, first of all we where in love and in my mind his family members had arranged marriages so that is why they probably cheated.

Well I was wrong very wrong about this man!

A month after I returned from my last visit his brothers wife called me to tell me "Mohammad is marrying his cousin" Of course when she told me I did not beleive because number one she was not a happy person so I though she wanted to make trouble and number two mohammad loved me I was sure of that 100%!

Remember we now knew each other almost five years I was muslim I sacrificed my life for him I waited I was faithfull I sent him money I took care of his mother and we where BEST FRIENDS! I thought no way in hell would he ever do that I thought he was different from all the other Arab men that use american women!

I called him and to my surprise IT AS TRUE! MY GOD I was so devasted! And more shocking he thought I was making a big deal out of nothing!

He told me I was being selfish that I had my own kids and he wanted kids! He told me he kept it from me because he did not want to loose me!

I told him what about our dreams of our future he said we can still have it!

My god I was so hurt so so hurt! You all have to remember I LOVED THIS MAN!

All this happen last fall, at that time he told me nothing was set in stone and he did it because he was confused and did not know if he would evcer come back to america.

His reasons where valid but why then string me along and take material things and money from me!
I was so upset I would not speak to him for several months but he kept calling and like I said he said nothing set in stone so I thought there was a glimmer of hope! After several months I begain to talk to him again, I guess because I thought maybe he would change his mind or maybe he really did love me and how can I abandon him I been there all these years how could I just leave him!

I also started to talk to him because honestly I was just plain misserable! I mean I was so used to him he was my life and I was so damn sad without him all those months of crying and not eating I was devasted!

I decided to talk to him again and he was very happy and led me to believe that he was just confused.
I would flip back and forth sometimes I would talk to him and other times I had so much anger inside me I could not answer the phone.
Sometimes I would cry to him and other times I would joke and laugh, it is hard for anyone reading this to really understand my pain. I really thought if he did not come back to the USA that I would move to the island where he worked I thought I would take all my money and build a future there with him.

I guess he thought he was just going to be with me if he came back to america.

Anyway I start talking to him again in the spring he basically would tell me "Honey no matter what your my first love I will always be here for you" I was leary about talking to him because I was afraid of being hurt a second time but I trusted him!

Well this summer about a month ago he stopped calling and right away I knew something was wrong. I dreamed the other night that he was getting engaged and his new bride said something he did not like and he left her and came to me!

I called him the other morning and I WAS RIGHT his family was all there because he is getting engaged!

All I could invision is all of them dancing laughing haveing a good time! These people where monsters they where the same people who took money gold gifts from me!

And now I am hurting and everyone is having a good time! Why did not his mother or his sister tell him what he did to me was wrong?

I cried and just told him I want him to be happy and dont call me.

I cannot beleive this happen to me! I been searching for answers as to why this man did this?

I am starting to beleive these men use us American women!

If this man can do this to me any of them can! The minute he thought he would not get his papers he was done with me.
This man took almost 5 years of my life and for that he gets a virgin brided and I get stuck with a heartbreak and credit card debt!

I need someone to take this pain away the pain of feeling used is worse then anything.

I am a very smart women I cannot believe this happen to me I thought because I was muslim and pretty that he really did love me!

Answer me why did this happen to me I am hurting so bad right now why did he do this to me.

In the name of Allah does anyone reading this have any answers for me?

If your jordanian tell me why would this man do this to me?

Mona